Sitting

Most nights as I sit nursing Dash, I relax and play a game on my phone, glancing down regularly to smile at my sweet toddler and to stroke her blonde curls.
Tonight I put the phone down.
I don't do that often enough and I know that.
As I sat in my small chair in her room, Dash took up my entire lap and her bum rested against the armrest. In a very short time, she'll no longer fit in my arms that way and we'll have to find a new position to nurse in before bedtime. . .

My business has been struggling. Circumstances completely out of my control have me actively looking for 3 new clients to fill vacancies.
I lost one adorable little boy to a custody dispute. He was removed from the home he had come to love, had thrived in, by his grandfather with the sheriff's officers and Child Protective Services in tow. His family is devastated and I miss him so much. He was the kind of boy that light up the room when he entered because of the joy that emanates from him. . .
Another little girl is moving to another part of the state to live with grandparents while her parents close on their first home. Her move is temporary and I hope to see them again, but I can't rely on it.
The third client will be attending school with her big brothers. Her home life has become complicated by that awful 6 letter word: cancer. So her mother needs to simplify their morning routine as much as possible and putting all 4 children in one location is what will allow them to do that.
When my life feels complicated, I always want to talk to my mom. She may not have always had the best advice, but she knew how to help me set my priorities straight and that's something I really miss.
So as I sat nursing my sweet girl tonight, I thought about Mom. And money, and career changes, and I cried. Gently and quietly the tears fell down my cheeks, landing on Dash.
She let go with a loud shlurp, sat up in my lap, and gave me a big kiss and hug. That little girl . . . Heavenly Father knew what he was doing when he gave her to us to raise. She could have gone to another family, but he picked us and I am so grateful for that.