I didn't sleep well Wednesday night, which really wasn't a surprise at all. I gave up around 3:30 and went downstairs and had some red raspberry leaf tea, played games on my phone, and listened to my favorite Hypnobabies track.
At 5am, my husband got up and showered and I crawled back into bed to close my eyes for a little bit, knowing I wouldn't sleep but enjoying the peace and quiet. Half an hour later, I hopped in the shower and locked as much as I could about how I felt physically into my memories. Each little kick, wiggle, and squirm during the shower is something I will remember for the rest of my life.
My clothes and tiara were next on the list!
Around 6am, the phone call came in that school was on a 2-hour delay due to road conditions in another part of the county. This helped ease the stress of the morning because it meant we didn't have to rush to get our daughters ready for the day.
My mother-in-law arrived and my husband and I said our goodbyes and made the relaxing and short drive to the hospital.
As we walked across the parking lot, my OB pulled in next to us with what can only be called promptness uncharacteristic of the profession!
Alicia, our labor and delivery nurse from Jackson's delivery, greeted us and gave me a big hug. It was great to see a face who understood what it meant for me to be there that morning. She escorted us to our room, where I changed into my hospital gown and my husband began blowing up the yoga ball. My IV was placed, some blood drawn to check my clotting time, and the saline drip was turned to low. The cordless monitors weren't working, so initially I was hooked up to the old-fashioned ones that required I stay in bed.
The doctor checked me and found I was just where I'd been a week before, 2-3cm dilated but now 70% effaced. She then left to do a planned c-section on another patient and promised to come back. About an hour later, she returned and broke my water.
The pitocin was then turned on to 2mL/hr, a nice slow start. It was 9am.
Over the next two hours, the pitocin was slowly turned up, eventually reaching 10mL/hr. Contractions were getting stronger and the pressure was intense to say the least. With each contraction I rocked on my ball, but then dizziness set in to a point where being on the ball was no longer safe, even with my head resting on the bed. I climbed back in the bed and realized there was no way I was going to make it through the rest of the labor without some help unless I was getting close.
So at 11am, I asked Alicia to check me. I was only 4 cm!
I caved and asked for an epidural. What I didn't realized then that I can see in hindsight is that although I was only 4cm, I'd hit transition and Alicia knew it. Another nurse was brought in and the delivery cart with all the tools and gloves was set up by Jessica, who I knew from my two previous pregnancies.
Jessica is a nurse practitioner at my previous OBs office and was the first to have me listen to the heartbeat of the daughter we lost in 2012. She's a little older and has impeccable bedside manner, so having her there, and with her knowledge of my pregnancy losses, was a calming touch.
It was at this point that my OB came flying into the room, purse in hand, office clothes on, and asking if she had time to change. Yes, Alicia knew what I did not and had paged my doctor. Time was running out!
The anesthesiologist came in and started setting up. During that time, I was quickly losing control and threatening to break my husbands hand with each contraction. As the anesthesiologist and I discussed pain management, it became pretty clear that he didn't intend to let me get numb because "it might slow the pushing process".
With both of my first 2 labors, within 3 contractions of the epidural being placed I had full relief. This guy? No! He said it'd take about 15 minutes to set in, which when you're contracting every 2 minutes or so, with only about 60 seconds of relief at best, that 15 minutes is an eternity!
I was getting the urge to push, but a quick check showed I was only 6cm, so that wasn't going to be allowed or I'd tear my cervix and I certainly didn't want that.
To make matters worse, the epidural only brought a small amount of relief to my left side and almost no relief to my right side. I never lost mobility of my legs, but got enough relief to let go of the squeezed hand. This was not anywhere near enough to be able to joke about anything.
My doctor returned and the need to push set in, although it felt much more like the urge to move my bowels than I'd expected. A mirror allowed me to watch some of the delivery, but the doctor's arm ended up blocking to view once the crown of her head was in sight.
Had I realized just how fast I was going to go from 4cm to holding my baby, I would have saved myself the hope of relief from an epidural and just slugged along.
Pushing took longer with Dash than it did with my second, but was still pretty quick! At 11:53am, I was holding my daughter, filled with relief and simply amazed that she was here.
I held her, wrapped in a towel while we waited for her umbilical cord to empty. With the extra time, my husband was able to rub her head of hair, study her fingers, and take a picture of the two of us. Once the cord was clamped and shut, he also was able to watch the placenta deliver, something he'd never seen before.
She came so fast that I ended up with a second degree tear. An episiotomy was done to prevent further tearing, but it meant I needed stitches. I felt every tug and pull of that needle, but since I was holding Dash, I simply didn't care!
From the time my pitocin was turned on until delivery was under 3 hours. Dash lived up to her nickname once again!
At 37w+1d, Dash weighed 7lbs 2oz. She was perfectly healthy! She had no trouble breathing, maintained her body temperature perfectly, and was eager to nurse.
Throughout the labor, my thoughts turned frequently to my mother, who was present for the birth of my first 2 daughters. I kept looking over to the empty rocking chair in the room, expecting to see her there. I missed having her hold my leg, standing opposite my spouse. And I missed having her hold my little baby, swaddled in her hospital blanket.
What I didn't expect was how infrequently my thoughts turned to Jackson. My labor was so quick I didn't have time to make the comparisons I had expected to. I subconsciously kept my ear on Dash's heartbeat throughout labor, hearing the minor fluctuations in its speed and worrying but in a more abstract manner than I had expected. The fear as her heart would slow a little was minor and then another contraction would hit and I couldn't think about anything other than hoping it was preparing my body for delivery.
Nursing there in labor and delivery was not at all the experience I'd hoped for, and there's an entire post for me to dedicate to that next! Hint: She's had two oral procedures since birth and she's only 5 days old today!
**For privacy reasons, Dash's legal name is being withheld. Thank you for understanding!**
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