29 Weeks

Dash and I have officially made it to 29 weeks. This is sort of the magic window where our baby could arrive and her chances of having no long term problems from a premature delivery are in our favor.
I feel like saying, "Phew!" but I can't quite do that yet.
Yesterday afternoon, starting around 3:30, it felt like all heck broke loose in my body. I started having some pretty crazy contractions that were coming every 5-10 minutes, even when I sat down, and they were the kind that stop you in your tracks because you can't move. Sitting for long wasn't much of an option to try and get them to calm down, since I still had 3 daycare children in my home and those infants don't exactly feed themselves (yet!)
By the time work finished, my oldest daughter had a piano lesson scheduled, and I knew I could send my husband for fast food for him and both of our daughters, but that seemed horribly unfair to me because it meant I'd be the one left opening a box of organic black bean soup while they got burgers and fries.
I love fries. No ketchup--just plenty of salt and that crispy, soft combination that makes my mouth water.
I can't have fries right now, so the thought of letting them eat what I couldn't have while I was already feeling miserable just didn't appeal to me in the slightest.
So I grabbed my water bottle and got to work on the dinner I'd been looking forward to, knowing that I might just have to bail on it part way through anyway.
With the exception of the crust, I made a completely-from-scratch chicken pot pie for dinner last night. It was heavenly!! And I managed to get it all done without feeling like I'd seriously overdone myself, although it was close.
My husband was beyond shocked later that evening to find out that I hadn't used any canned soups to make the sauce, which also meant that the meal was much healthier than he'd thought and he could feel less guilty about stuffing himself so badly. Chicken, chicken stock, lots and lots of veggies, no potatoes since I'm not allowed, some seasonings, and flour as the thickening agent . . . simple and divine.
The girls and I did pigged out, too. I made a huge pie and the entire thing was gone before we got up from the table.
I hadn't expected that, but it also means I know exactly what to do with some of the leftover turkey meat after Thanksgiving in a couple of days. I have another set of pie crusts and will be using them to make a turkey pot pie to stick in the freezer for a meal sometime in the coming weeks.
The best part about the chicken or turkey pot pies is that as long as I skip the crust, which is easy enough for me to do, they're pretty close to dairy free and contain no whole grains, the two items my other daughters had problems with when nursing. So if the pot pie stays in the freezer for a couple of months, I still have an easy meal that I won't need to worry about breastmilk sensitivities with.

When it comes to sensitivities, my lovenox injections sure are giving me a run for my money these days. I'm not exactly sure why, but I'm getting hard lumps under almost all of them now and many are bruising pretty badly again. I suspect the lumps may be related to the colder temperature in the house, and thus the cooler temp of my fingers and skin, but I can't be sure.
You can't see the lumps in the photos, but you can see the bruising. These were taken tonight. They aren't the clearest photos in the world because my nice point-n-shoot camera had an unfortunate accident while we were in Tennessee and my 4 year old dropped it at the Hard Rock Cafe. . .

For clarification, none of the spots are moles. Instead, they're the pinpricks sometimes leftover from the injection. The rules for my shots include the following:

1. No injecting into a bruise
2. No injecting into a lump
3. Must be in the belly or love handles
4. Cannot be within 2 inches of the belly button
5. Must be able to "pinch and inch" for the injection site but no more, no less
6. Use all 4 quadrants of the belly area

It doesn't take a rocket scientist to realize that with all the extra bruising and lumping, I'm rapidly running out of locations to inject!
In the top picture, you may be able to see a darker bruise close to the waist on my pants. I used that spot in sheer desperation, knowing that the lower areas bruise, lump and hurt much worse than the ones above my belly button. The injection doesn't hurt going in, but the bruise is tender for several days. That particular shot was done Saturday night, so it's already 3 days old and looks as fresh as if it had been done this morning.
I will add that Dr. H had me get a cream that helps with bruising called Arnicare, and it really does speed up the healing when I remember to use it! The Arnicare also smells really nice. It's classified as unscented so the smell is likely from the Arnica montana, which is the active ingredient. The cream is also paraben free, which makes me happy!
My husband and I are also making some progress on a name for Dash. We certainly haven't settled on one, but we have some parameters that we agree on and it's helping.
If I have another few nights like last night, we'll need that name ready much sooner than Christmas, which is only 31 days away!
In the meantime, I need to remember to drink, drink, drink my water and not let time go by while I'm busy at work.

28 Weeks and Nesting

I'm not entirely sure if it really counts as nesting, but the need to cook and prepare for Dash's arrival has set in.

This need hasn't just set in for me, either. My husband, who has been even more afraid of losing his daughter than I have, is feeling it, too. In fact, on Sunday evening he announced her impending arrival on facebook, which was a big step for him!

Many of you know that Talia and I lost our stillborn son this past March, after several years of setbacks and discouragement in growing our family. While she has been relatively open about events in the months since, I have been much more circumspect. But things have been humming along and we are reaching "safe" ground, so it is with tremendous happiness and excitement that I acknowledge that we're about two months out from welcoming a baby girl.

 — feeling blessed.

He then included one of the 3D pictures of our daughter.

For him, this is a huge step in emotionally preparing for the birth of our daughter. When he posts just about anything, there's a reason for it. Generally, his posts are Civil War anniversary snip-its or links that he's sharing that he finds humorous or informative.  To share something as near and dear to his heart as my pregnancy let me know that he's as ready as he'll ever be.

But we still don't have a name!!

My sewing materials are almost completely relocated to the basement. There are just a few odds and ends left as well as my serger, which I'll move down as soon as I have the space for it. Anyone who has ever "moved" within their own home knows that sometimes you have to make a really big mess before everything comes together.  We're past the worst of the mess, but I have one more shelf to install and then I can move the last few fabric bins into position.

And the diaper sewing will begin once that is done!

I have 2 days to get this done. Why? Well, Saturday the weather is supposed to be decent, so we're going to the storage unit to get all the boxes and bins of Christmas stuff. In order to make room for that, the crib needs to be in the baby's room, rather than disassembled and taking up space under the stairs.

My husband insists that the Christmas things will stay in their boxes until after Thanksgiving, but if I just happen to find space to put the tree up . . .well . . . it might just make it's way out of the box a during naptime next week.

I've made some helpful changes in my routine over the last week and feeling the improvement. I purchased a larger yoga ball and inflated it fully.  It's just a little big, but as it deflates a little in the next week or two it will be perfect. I'm using the ball to do some of the exercises I do at the chiropractor each visit. One of them does a really good job of stretching my psoas muscles and the impact on the muscles in my abdomen is noticeable! Most evenings, the muscles are still tight, but not anywhere near as painful as they've been the last couple of months.  I'm doing the exercise every 4-5 hours during the day and sometimes just sitting on the ball when the tv is on, rocking in an X motion, stretching my back from side to side, or generally staying in movement.

Movement is getting more restricted, but I want to make sure that as many of my muscles are limber as possible so that I can achieve any position I want during labor and delivery. The most restrictive motion right now is bending over, which is understandable considering the size of my belly.  If you've ever tried to bend over and tie your shoes with a basketball or soccer ball in front of you, it's not easy! But with the new exercises, I'm finding that I can bend in other ways that compensate for my inability to fold myself in half. I had lost my ability to look fully over my shoulder when backing up my van but realized today as I left Home Depot that I could do it again and that it was quite comfortable, too.

It's amazing how such a simple thing can feel so good! I hate relying on cameras and mirrors when I back-up, so that ability to turn my torso put a big, dopey grin on my face that nobody saw but me!

I was fortunate enough to be given a bunch of maternity clothes, some to keep and some on loan.  They fit great, but since my daughters all carry out front, I have hit that point where most of my clothes no longer cover my belly and I'm left with a 2" section where the stretchy part of my pants shows. This striped shirt is one of just a few that stay completely down.  The black one below, which is what I was wearing earlier to day, is a prime example of what most of my wardrobe is now doing. It's too short!

 I could buy the next size up, but maternity clothes are expensive and it just doesn't seem worth it when I can layer things a little.

I don't even want to think about how badly these clothes would fit if I were carrying twins.

I don't remember having this problem with my other daughters, but I was due in July and summer shirts during those years had a longer, blousey cut to them and I wore a lot of summer dresses because they were more comfortable than capris.

If you look closely at the two pictures, you can see the difference in the shape of the top of my belly. The pictures were taken about 15 minutes apart and during that time, she switched from head up (in the black shirt) to head down (in the stripes). Head down is much more comfortable for me and gives me a lot more breathing room!

The only other "noteworthy" mention would be my contractions, which have absolutely picked up in the last 4 days. Oh My Word. I'm having over a dozen a day and some are enough to have me running some of my hypnobabies phrases through my head because I simply can't do anything else until it subsides. These are normal for me and should make my labor easier, or at least the induction portion.

So here's to a few more weeks, we hope!

Zipping Along at 27 Weeks and a Bit

Dash and I have made it safely to 27 weeks.  With each day, her chances of surviving an early birth and having little to no long term problems associated with that get better.

Preparations for her arrival are in full swing. The baby clothes we've been given are all washed and put away. It looks like we may only need to pick up a couple of fleece play outfits and some baby leggings and she'll be set for the first few months.

My daughters have 3 different uncles whose names start with B. Last Saturday night, one of them came over and installed a much-appreciated electrical outlet in the basement so that I can plug my sewing machines and a lamp in without running a power strip around the corner from the outlet in the finished portion of our basement.  The space is small, but it is going to work beautifully.  In the next two days, it should be set up sufficiently so that I can start sewing diapers and a couple of other postnatal supplies that I'd like to have.

The normal minor aches and pains of pregnancy are slowly starting to settle in. The one I have the hardest time dealing with is that my hips start hurting when I sleep. It's deep in the joint, which makes me think it's likely the ischiofemoral ligament.

Ligaments in pregnancy soften to prepare for birth, so this isn't at all unusual, but it is painful at times. I roll over roughly every 90 to 120 minutes all night long because that pain wakes me up. "Roll over" is probably not the correct word. It's more like sit up, go to the bathroom not only because I need to but because walking eases the pain, drink some water, get back in bed while rearranging the pillows, then readjusting my position a little, and falling asleep as soon as I feel the baby moving again.

I've joked in the past that I get more sleep after the baby is born but it really is true. My girls both slept for 2-3 hours at a time within a week of their births, and if you've ever experienced sleep on either schedule, the difference between 90 minutes and 150 minutes is huge! I can actually feel rested if I get 2-3 hour stretches but the 90 minute ones feel almost useless.

But we're not ready for her to come, not yet. I really do want her to stay put, safely, until after Christmas.

At the growth scan last Thursday, Dash measured in at 2lbs 3oz, give or take a little. That puts her in the 64th percentile for growth, very close to the 69th she measured two weeks before and still well within the 10% margin of error most doctors will mention if you ask how accurate the growth scans are.

At my OB visit yesterday, my fundal height also measured just above 28 weeks, which matches what the ultrasound showed.

I decided to order a larger yoga ball. Although most of the charts I've seen show that a person my height should have a 65cm ball, even when it's fully inflated my knees are just above my hips, rather than being 2-3 inches below as is recommended for birthing.  The 75cm beauty is now inflated and getting some use, knowing it will need more air over the first few weeks.

I spent the majority of my day making freezer meals and canning chicken stock.  We have four new meals in the freezer, 9 quarts of chicken stock, and 10 pints of chicken broth. Last week I'd read an article about letting the bones simmer twice, rather than just once, and decided to give it a try. Even though the second batch only simmered for 18 hours, I was really impressed with the richness of the color and flavor.  I mixed the batches together and canned the quarts at full strength then diluted the remaining for the pints.

The flavor is light but very tasty!

A lovely little chair and ottoman popped up on a yard sale site and I bought those, too. It isn't a rocking set, but for Dash's room, I don't need to rock. The ottoman top lifts up to make a second small chair, which will give my older daughters a place to sit when they want to spend time with me and the baby.  If I understood the seller correctly, the chair had belonged to her grandmother and the design definitely seems old fashioned.

I love it. And as long as it holds up, it will get a lot of use!  Once we have the chair in it's place, I'll take pictures and share them.  I expect to spend many memorable moments in that chair!

Letter To My Unnamed Daughter

Dear Daughter,

Four days ago I saw the first 3D images of your beautiful face. Your oldest sister stood by my side, mirroring the awe I felt at seeing you resting so peacefully against our placenta. I took a picture of the computer screen and emailed it to your father, knowing he'd want to see you. The picture wasn't very clear, but we could see your delicate features in a way we hadn't been able to see before.

Your father and I are having a tough time coming up with a name for you. Both of your older sisters have names that are found within our ancestry. Your oldest sister shares the name of her great-great-aunt from my side of the family and your other sister's name is the same as a 3rd great-aunt from your father's side.

I'd like to choose another family name; one that suits you. We have called you Dash for about 5 months now, but that's not a name we want to use as your legal name, even if we do continue to call you Dash for years to come. 

This may come as a surprise, but I didn't name your sisters and it looks like I won't be coming up with your legal name, either. Your father named our first daughter and she named her first little sister! I definitely agreed to the names, but they weren't my idea.

There are two names that your father and I are thinking about for you. One is the name of one of my grandmothers and the other is a name your father thought of while we were sitting at Burger King after an appointment a couple weeks ago. I'm not totally in love with either name, but I wasn't totally in love with the name of your oldest sister when it was decided, either.

Names are things that have to grow on me, and that's just how it is. If your father could agree to let me call you Talia, I'd be thrilled. I love my name and wish I could share it with one of my children, but let's face it, our last name makes things a little harder because we don't want rhyming names and I'm not a big fan of alliterations, either.

So for now, you are Dash. 

My Dash

My rainbow after years of storms

The answer to thousands of prayers

The reason I can't sleep at night

The reason I can't stop smiling during the day

My Dash

Last night we celebrated your father's birthday with a few of our local relatives. He feels old and a little lost, and I know some of his emotions are being compounded by the stress of  our lives this last year. We never thought we'd be in our mid-to-late thirties and still trying to have children, wrestling with a tight budget, and worrying about our heater breaking (yes, ours did that this morning). As you grow up, please be kind to his worrying heart. Remind us with your smile and your hugs that there are more important things in life than how old we feel, how small our house is, and what our yard looks like.

Like your big sisters, you are doomed to watching football for the next 18 years. But if you are lucky, you'll learn to love the sport like they have and we can sit as a family and spend our Friday nights or Saturday afternoons rooting for the underdogs, cheering after an exceptional pass, and getting angry at the refs when they make a ridiculous call or don't call something we think they should have!

You will also watch hours upon hours of science fiction, historical fiction, classics, and documentaries. Your life will be filled with more books than you can imagine, too!

You will spend hours standing near your father's new globe (his present this year!) as he shows you where things are, how the solar system functions, and the places he's lived. When you ask how far away something is, we'll walk to the globe and I'll show you.

You will discuss politics, science, and religion with all of us during trips to the grocery store. You'll learn add and subtract during walks around the pond.

You will know that we love our Heavenly Parents and that we try each day to parents like them. You will see me cry, sometimes because I'm excited or happy, but sometimes they will be tears of frustration or sadness, too.

You will know that before you were conceived, you had a brother who didn't live until his birth. You will hear your big sisters talk about him. His name was Jackson. They miss him. I miss him, too. Sometimes even now as I sit in church, a hymn will be sung that reminds me of him and I will cry and you will see that. Hug me when you see those tears.  Remind me that I wouldn't have you if I hadn't lost him. 

Ask me questions. Easy questions. Hard questions. Silly questions. I love to teach, but I don't always know where to start. Your questions will give me a starting point. If you don't ask when you are young, I may not know how to answer when you are older.

Trust me. I don't make promises I can't keep. No means no and Yes means yes. Maybe is a toss up, as it's intended to be. I am honest. If you ask me something I don't know, I will let you know that I'm not sure. If something is multi-sided, I'll share my views and ask that you think about them, but encourage you to form an opinion of your own and hope that you'll always be open to changing your opinion as you learn new things.

Learn from the mistakes of those around you and be gentle with them. All of our actions have consequences but some are more obvious or more painful than others.  Remember that everyone has been given the right to choose for themselves and sometimes the choices of others will hurt you. Don't let that hurt become hate. Instead, use those experiences to strengthen those around you.

Study the scriptures and the teachings of modern day prophets and apostles. Heavenly Father hasn't put a prophet on the earth now so that we ignore him. He is here to guide us today and what he teaches is more applicable than the prophets who have passed, even recently. 

Remember that all church leaders also have the right to choose. They have their own opinions, views, and reasons for doing and saying what they choose. They don't always agree and that is okay. We have been created in the image of our Heavenly Parents, but that doesn't mean we will all think the same. However, each of them, like your father and I, are doing their best to follow the teachings of our Savior so that we can live with him, and with each other, when the time comes.

You have been given an opportunity that many other children are not given. You have a father and mother who are sealed for eternity in a temple of God and who live in a nation filled with freedoms that most of the world cannot even comprehend. The technology that has developed in my life has been amazing and I can only begin to imagine the wonderful things you may see and experience as you grow.

Without modern medicine, you would never have been able to join our family. Someday, I will show you pictures of the bruises from the injections I had to give myself twice a day so that my body would give yours a chance to grow. Those medicines are our lifeline, yours and mine.  It is such a simple medication, but without it, you would never have had a chance.

Dash, you are loved more than words can express by your father, your sisters, and me. Don't ever doubt how much we care for you or how often we pray for you. You aren't just our daughter, you are a daughter of God and that will give you more power and strength than anything we could teach you.

We'll try to teach you everything we know so that you can know all the things we've learned. 

But first, let's see if we can find a name for you . . .

26 Weeks and Road Trip Rundown

Another week has come and gone and this one was filled with different activities than usual for our little family.

We are huge BYU Football fans and have been for years. Although I wasn't able to attend my first game until I was 17 and a freshman at BYU, I have attended as many games as possible since then, including traveling to Charlottesville, VA, for the game in August 2013.  We weren't able to attend the game earlier this season against UConn, but we made sure to plan this trip against Middle Tennessee State and only a major crisis was going to keep us from going.

As I mentioned before, Dr. H told us I needed to get up and walk every hour during the drive.  It was roughly 600 miles each way to middle Tennessee, with a couple hundred miles even on the "local" days.  We did well with regular stops on the way down, but the remaining 3 days were a little harder.  I paid close attention to how I felt and how the baby was moving and we never went more than an hour and a half between stops.

The weather was unseasonably cold and windy, with a dusting of snow that fell Friday night. Prior to the snowfall, we'd made a quick detour to the nearest Target to purchase hats and gloves for us womenfolk and I'm so glad we did!

The game was a nice victory after a series of deflating losses but it was sad to lose what felt like the last of our star players for the season to a multi-part knee injury. Injuries have plagued our team this season, leaving us without half of the starters from the beginning of the year.

By the time we got to IHOP for some dinner and hot chocolate, the girls were too tired to eat much.

Our trip wasn't just about football. My grandfather and my father-in-law have a similar passion for family history and while my grandfather has, at times, paid a historian to find many of the names of our ancestors, my father-in-law has done all of the work himself.

For as long as I can remember, my husband has spoken fondly of his great-great-grandfather, who fought in the Civil War with his brother. They were from Jackson County, Tennessee and Watson Terry returned home after the war and married the girl next door.

Literally!

My husband and his father had visited middle Tennessee about 14 years ago but at the time, they did not know where Watson and his wife were buried.  This time, they knew.

We woke Friday morning to a cold, misty day. It was Halloween, but somehow as we walked towards the small cemetery where they were laid to rest, it seemed sacred. I let our 4 year old take pictures of the headstones with my camera, knowing that someday those photos would mean something to her, although for that day it was just something she would enjoy doing to pass the time.

Watson and his wife are my daughters' 3rd great grandparents. On the property adjacent to the cemetery of the Terry's was the Allen plot, where Watson's in-laws were buried.  It took a few minutes, but we found the marker for my daughters' 4th great grandfather.

There's something reverent about cemeteries, especially when you know that you are a direct descendent of those buried beneath your feet.  And I thought about Dash, knowing that these were her ancestors, too.

I believe that the spirits of unborn babies mix their time between being in the body being formed for them and being in heaven with those who have already passed on and those who have yet to come to earth. The dream I had about our son and my mother last fall aligns with my belief, even though I have nothing else to really base my belief on. It just is.

In my Hypnobabies course, one of the exercises is to build a Special Place. As I built mine, I realized I had built a Celestial Room, like those in LDS Temples. The carpets are almost white and embossed with gothic arches, the walls are filled with mirrors, and there are 3 large crystal chandeliers in my special place. And each time I enter this room, I am wearing my temple robes and my mother, grandmother, and two of my great-grandmothers are there. Sometimes Dash is there, too, but she's all grown up and her features are indistinct.  It's more of Dash's presence that I feel and see than in a physical form.  But my mother and the other women who've impacted my life are there quite clearly.

Knowing my ancestors means so much to me. I feel very blessed to have known so many of my great grandparents. There is even a small memory of the drive home from my great-great-grandfather's funeral when I was 4 years old.

I hope my children can appreciate what it meant to be there on Friday, taking pictures next to the gravestones of their direct line ancestors.