The day after his birth, David and I continued with a tradition we started long ago and went to Wendy's for lunch with the girls. Any time I have given birth, had surgery, or any other medical procedure, we have gone to Wendy's for our "first meal". It seemed fitting to continue, even though the birth wasn't what we'd wanted.
It was there, sitting at the table that I began my #100HappyDays posts, determined to find some small speck of joy in each day. After losing our daughter in 2012, I had spiraled into depression that only worsened with time and I didn't want that to happen again.
For the first few weeks, many of my posts centered on food. I really do love food, even in some of its simplest forms. Other posts were about my two living daughters, as each loss has emphasized just how miraculous their presence in our lives really is.
So for each of the last 100 days, I have found something to find happiness in and tried as often as I could to document that with a picture.
I do think that my absolute favorite post was the one where I found my mother's missing ring. Talk about sheer happiness!! There was no fear, no guilt about calories, no sadness attached to the gratitude . . . nothing but delight in its purest form.
Now that 100 days is over, I'm embarking on a new journey with my family. Those who have been following my blog know what I'm talking about.
For those that don't know, David and I are currently expecting again. I'm around 9 weeks along, with a single baby that has a strong heartbeat and whose arms and legs are already developing nicely.
The bright halo above the baby is her yolk sac (I think this baby is another Super-Hero-Loving-Princess I sometimes refer to as Rainbow Dash). The baby is head up, with arms and legs forming. Rainbow Dash looks an awful lot like a gummy bear here. This is from July 3rd, so as long as she's growing well, she should actually have almost doubled in size this week.
For the majority of women, this is the point where they get to breathe a sigh of relief and start planning, whether that planning is talking about names, nursery themes, how to rearrange the furniture, what car to buy if a bigger one is needed, etc.
Our situation is different. I've lost the last 4 consecutive pregnancies, even after I was assured this last time that Lovenox would get me to full term.
I may have those same "assurances" from different doctors now, but I'm not holding my breath until I have a pregnancy that has reached viability and even then the "baby room" will remain my sewing room.
So how is this a happy post? Well, I'm thrilled to have discovered what I believe is the clue to our infertility: inflammation. 20% of couples diagnosed with infertility have unexplained infertility. This is the diagnosis we were given just over a year ago.
The reproductive endocrinologists in my area can kiss my big white booty because now I know what the problem is and none of them even brought up inflammation as a potential cause.
I feel rather smart, actually. I can't take credit for all of it, there are two people who helped me out with this: my chiropractor and my maternal-fetal-medicine doctor. Both mentioned inflammation as causes and when an anti-inflammatory diet was suggested, I jumped on board immediately.
And got pregnant on the first try!!
We had conceived Jackson the month I did a candida cleanse, which also involves an anti-inflammatory diet, I just didn't know that at the time. So of course when we got cleared to ttc again, I was already following parts of the diet fairly closely. I just removed a few more foods and added the lovenox shots.
I have a very long ways to go and after losing my son so late, I am working with the reality that the deck is stacked against me, but we're off to a much quicker start than I could ever have imagined.
Me, 9 weeks pregnant, just 100 days after losing our son!
I've known for over 5 weeks and it still doesn't seem real.
#100HappyDays, You have kept me happy, so Thank You.
