What Loss Does to You

It's a nice, peaceful afternoon here. I sat with a few of the kids and had a picnic lunch in the yard while a couple of the babies slept in the stroller. The weather is so beautiful and that adds to the peace I have felt through most of the day.

The daycare children are napping and so are Dash and Spitfire.

I'm the only one awake and that is a rare occurrence.

I decided it would be a good time to call our bank and set up a savings account for Dash, as all the necessary documentation was right in front of me from finishing our taxes.

Our account doesn't have the option of doing ongoing automatic transfers without an end date, so I kept clicking the month forward button and picked a random day in 2019. You would think that's not a big deal, but this is what repeat pregnancy loss does to you:

As I pulled up my online calendar, making a note in 3 years' time to renew the automatic transfers, I thought to myself, "I hope she's alive and well because it's really going to suck when I see this if she isn't."

What parent actually thinks that when they have healthy children?

A loss mom, that's who.