Four days ago I saw the first 3D images of your beautiful face. Your oldest sister stood by my side, mirroring the awe I felt at seeing you resting so peacefully against our placenta. I took a picture of the computer screen and emailed it to your father, knowing he'd want to see you. The picture wasn't very clear, but we could see your delicate features in a way we hadn't been able to see before.
Your father and I are having a tough time coming up with a name for you. Both of your older sisters have names that are found within our ancestry. Your oldest sister shares the name of her great-great-aunt from my side of the family and your other sister's name is the same as a 3rd great-aunt from your father's side.
I'd like to choose another family name; one that suits you. We have called you Dash for about 5 months now, but that's not a name we want to use as your legal name, even if we do continue to call you Dash for years to come.
This may come as a surprise, but I didn't name your sisters and it looks like I won't be coming up with your legal name, either. Your father named our first daughter and she named her first little sister! I definitely agreed to the names, but they weren't my idea.
There are two names that your father and I are thinking about for you. One is the name of one of my grandmothers and the other is a name your father thought of while we were sitting at Burger King after an appointment a couple weeks ago. I'm not totally in love with either name, but I wasn't totally in love with the name of your oldest sister when it was decided, either.
Names are things that have to grow on me, and that's just how it is. If your father could agree to let me call you Talia, I'd be thrilled. I love my name and wish I could share it with one of my children, but let's face it, our last name makes things a little harder because we don't want rhyming names and I'm not a big fan of alliterations, either.
So for now, you are Dash.
My Dash
My rainbow after years of storms
The answer to thousands of prayers
The reason I can't sleep at night
The reason I can't stop smiling during the day
My Dash
Last night we celebrated your father's birthday with a few of our local relatives. He feels old and a little lost, and I know some of his emotions are being compounded by the stress of our lives this last year. We never thought we'd be in our mid-to-late thirties and still trying to have children, wrestling with a tight budget, and worrying about our heater breaking (yes, ours did that this morning). As you grow up, please be kind to his worrying heart. Remind us with your smile and your hugs that there are more important things in life than how old we feel, how small our house is, and what our yard looks like.
Like your big sisters, you are doomed to watching football for the next 18 years. But if you are lucky, you'll learn to love the sport like they have and we can sit as a family and spend our Friday nights or Saturday afternoons rooting for the underdogs, cheering after an exceptional pass, and getting angry at the refs when they make a ridiculous call or don't call something we think they should have!
You will also watch hours upon hours of science fiction, historical fiction, classics, and documentaries. Your life will be filled with more books than you can imagine, too!
You will spend hours standing near your father's new globe (his present this year!) as he shows you where things are, how the solar system functions, and the places he's lived. When you ask how far away something is, we'll walk to the globe and I'll show you.
You will discuss politics, science, and religion with all of us during trips to the grocery store. You'll learn add and subtract during walks around the pond.
You will know that we love our Heavenly Parents and that we try each day to parents like them. You will see me cry, sometimes because I'm excited or happy, but sometimes they will be tears of frustration or sadness, too.
You will know that before you were conceived, you had a brother who didn't live until his birth. You will hear your big sisters talk about him. His name was Jackson. They miss him. I miss him, too. Sometimes even now as I sit in church, a hymn will be sung that reminds me of him and I will cry and you will see that. Hug me when you see those tears. Remind me that I wouldn't have you if I hadn't lost him.
Ask me questions. Easy questions. Hard questions. Silly questions. I love to teach, but I don't always know where to start. Your questions will give me a starting point. If you don't ask when you are young, I may not know how to answer when you are older.
Trust me. I don't make promises I can't keep. No means no and Yes means yes. Maybe is a toss up, as it's intended to be. I am honest. If you ask me something I don't know, I will let you know that I'm not sure. If something is multi-sided, I'll share my views and ask that you think about them, but encourage you to form an opinion of your own and hope that you'll always be open to changing your opinion as you learn new things.
Learn from the mistakes of those around you and be gentle with them. All of our actions have consequences but some are more obvious or more painful than others. Remember that everyone has been given the right to choose for themselves and sometimes the choices of others will hurt you. Don't let that hurt become hate. Instead, use those experiences to strengthen those around you.
Study the scriptures and the teachings of modern day prophets and apostles. Heavenly Father hasn't put a prophet on the earth now so that we ignore him. He is here to guide us today and what he teaches is more applicable than the prophets who have passed, even recently.
Remember that all church leaders also have the right to choose. They have their own opinions, views, and reasons for doing and saying what they choose. They don't always agree and that is okay. We have been created in the image of our Heavenly Parents, but that doesn't mean we will all think the same. However, each of them, like your father and I, are doing their best to follow the teachings of our Savior so that we can live with him, and with each other, when the time comes.
You have been given an opportunity that many other children are not given. You have a father and mother who are sealed for eternity in a temple of God and who live in a nation filled with freedoms that most of the world cannot even comprehend. The technology that has developed in my life has been amazing and I can only begin to imagine the wonderful things you may see and experience as you grow.
Without modern medicine, you would never have been able to join our family. Someday, I will show you pictures of the bruises from the injections I had to give myself twice a day so that my body would give yours a chance to grow. Those medicines are our lifeline, yours and mine. It is such a simple medication, but without it, you would never have had a chance.
Dash, you are loved more than words can express by your father, your sisters, and me. Don't ever doubt how much we care for you or how often we pray for you. You aren't just our daughter, you are a daughter of God and that will give you more power and strength than anything we could teach you.
We'll try to teach you everything we know so that you can know all the things we've learned.
But first, let's see if we can find a name for you . . .
