Six Weeks Later

Where do I even begin?

I miss feeling obligated to update my little journal/blog every week with pregnancy or developmental updates for Dash. That time in the afternoon to sit and evaluate my little life is meaningful to me but I have been so busy trying to take care of everyone else that I haven't taken much time to take care of myself.
That little problem won't be going away anytime soon, either. When I look at my schedule, I have work or family commitments M, T, and Th from 6:30am, when my first daycare client arrives, until 9pm when I finish tutoring. Tutoring just got underway last night but I can already tell that it will take a decent chunk out of my "me" time in the evenings.
I love tutoring though, and the money is very helpful for paying off outstanding debts.
How else can I earn $50/hr and maintain my dignity? There aren't many options, that's for sure.
Tutoring is good for my mind, too. I intend to go back to teaching soon. "Soon" is, of course, a relative term. I filled out my request for updated information regarding licensure in Virginia. I had completed almost everything when I left teaching but one thing definitely remained incomplete: The Math PRAXIS.
If you have any friends in education, specifically for math, you can ask them about it. I was reminded again by the local math chair for our county that the math praxis is by and large the hardest content area test required of public school teachers. The content goes so far above what a math teacher will ever teach as to be ludicrous.
To give you an idea of just how nuts this test is, take a look at the passing rates here. For teachers who are just finishing their degrees, and so have the most recent experience with the material, the passing rate is roughly 60% but for those who have 3 or more years of experience, the pass rate is 17%.
SEVENTEEN. As in, fewer than 1 in 5 who take the test will pass it.
Those scores are about 10 years old though, so let's take a look at some that are newer and from a specific university.
From UC Denver, The PRAXIS pass rates in 2013 were:

English: 82.6%
Social Studies: 94.5%
School Psychology: 95.1%
General Science: 89.2%
Mathematics: 57.1%

Yes, you read that correctly. A full 25.5% lower passing rate than the next hardest test. Why UC Denver? Because they published this data and it showed up in my google search. That's not a very scientific way to go about this, but it adds to my point that the test I have to take is going to be HARD. Well, hard for me, that is, because it's been such a long time since I grappled with higher content mathematics. My last college math course that wasn't an education course was taken 15 years ago and although I've kept up with content through the trigonometry courses via tutoring, I haven't touched calculus or anything beyond since my time at BYU.
I'm nervous!
I suppose this is going to turn into a bit of a rant. You see, finding good math teachers is pretty hard if my experience with tutoring gives me any credibility in that sphere. I have this personal belief based on nothing more than observation that the majority of the teachers and professors who understand the ins and outs of higher level mathematics make really crappy teachers! Why??
Because they can't understand students when they don't grasp the material.
When a student comes to you and says, "But I don't get it," a good teacher can back up and figure out why and where.
What step in the mathematical chain is broken?
How far into the process does the student understand?
Can the teacher relate to the students' frustration and use a little bit of empathy as s/he works towards helping the students learn?
And yes, I think empathy is an important trait in a teacher but I don't feel like going into the why of that right now.
The vast majority of the teachers I know who really know their math beyond calculus lack the ability to do those things.
And that opinion is based on my experiences as a student in high school, with professors in college, and with a small group of colleges that I worked with as well.
It's time for me to be back in education in a formal classroom setting but making that shift is going to take a little time and quite a bit of preparation.
I have to pass that PRAXIS . . .

Bubble Guts

In the spring of 2007, I was teaching a rather difficult group of students.  The course name was "Integrated Math III" but reality it was Geometry for students who needed to pass the end of year Standards-of-Learning test or they couldn't graduate. Many were smart, capable students who simply lacked the drive to succeed, and a few others really did struggle academically.

My job was to teach them enough to pass the class and nothing else.  Those of you who know me well know that I am not a "minimum standards" kind of teacher.  I really love teaching and it doesn't really matter what the subject matter is, as long as I feel like I know it well.

There was one lesson where we were talking about the differences between rhombii and kites. After hearing the unmistakable vibration of a phone, a particularly difficult student raised his hand and asked to go to the bathroom.

Uh, No.  That's what break time is for and that particular material was, in fact, highly applicable to the material on the test he'd be taking in 6 weeks.

"But Mrs. Terry, I have bubble guts.  I gotta GO!"

Bubble Guts!!

This was the first time I'd ever heard that expression used and I accidentally snorted out loud at the hilarity of it.  Whoops!  Stern Mrs. Terry has the sense of humor of a four year old and thinks bodily functions are funny.  The truth was out!

In the end I did let the student go, but I had him put his cell phone on my desk before leaving.  There's only so much I can do and at that point his comment had lightened me up anyway.

I have bubble guts.  Not at all the kind the student claimed to have, but the much happier version for someone who has been fighting infertility off and on for years.

I mentioned before that I haven't been able to feel our baby boy as much as I was in the very beginning and that although I know why, that it is unnerving.  I've found myself using my doppler about every other day, even on days where I thought I had felt him.

The sensations are getting stronger and more distinct again.  It isn't the kicks and wiggles I'm used to when the placenta has been posterior, but I know it's the baby.

The best description has to be that it feels like bubble guts, but totally in the wrong location!  And without all the cramping and nastiness that student was likely pretending to feel.

It would appear that my nurse practitioner from my OB's office was right: It would only be a short time until my son would be longer than his placenta and I'd feel him more.

I have one more milestone to hit.  I want my husband to feel his son.  He's never gone this long without feeling his baby before and I really want him to feel connected.

And maybe, just maybe, it will encourage him to start considering names more seriously?? I really want to know what we'll be naming this little guy.  We've prayed so long and so hard for him and now I just want to know what he'll be called so I can call him by name.

My little Bubbles, for now.