Three Months New

Have you ever taken a look at your life and wondered where time has gone?

Today I did just that.

My little Dash is 3 months old today. She's growing like a weed, too. In the last couple of weeks she's started laughing and holding on to nearby objects, like my shirt or the straps on my ergobaby carrier.

Her head control is still coming along nicely and she now spends a good half an hour in the exersaucer each day, sometimes more.

I keep forgetting to place her on her tummy to develop those necessary muscles and to help with the curvature of her spine and for that I feel like a "bad mommy". I had a similar problem with my other 2 children. It seems like I'm in a constant battle between the baby just eating and not wanting to put pressure on her tummy while she's got a full stomach and waiting too long, so she's tired and doesn't want to be anywhere but in her bed.

Perhaps tomorrow I will remember?

At her 2 month well baby visit, I asked the doctor if I could get Dash tested for the MTHFR gene mutation. I knew through my repeat pregnancy testing that I was negative for the mutation but my desire to know if Dash had it, inherited through her father, was enough for me to subject her to a blood draw.

Yes, the mutation is that important to me. I have learned so much about what MTHFR can do and the impact that it might have on vaccinations that I simply needed to know. In short, the mutation alters how a specific enzyme works in the body. That enzyme has some very important roles in the body and when it's mutated, certain processes in the body don't work.

Here you can learn what that a decent list of health problems are associated with MTHFR, including depression, ADHD, autism, migraines with aura, certain cancers, early miscarriage, and bi-polar disorder.  It's an important gene mutation and the medical community seems to be picking up on that slowly but surely.

According to this site, 98% of those with autism spectrum disorder have at least one of the MTHFR gene mutations. Roughly 40% of the American population has one of the mutations. The difference between those two populations (MTHFR mutations vs no mutation) is huge.

Can you see why it was important for me to know??

The results from Dash's test came in a few days ago: Negative for MTHFR gene mutations.

Phew!

With this in mind, I will soon be pursuing the immunizations I had skipped before. It will be a slow process, and there will be vaccines along the way that I will skip, but at least now I am less concerned about adding stress to her body in a manner she may not have been able to handle before.

I have no scientific studies to back it up, but I believe that immunizations are a link in the chain that causes autism. I also think that additives such as folic acid (which those with the mutation do not handle well) and high levels of heavy metals are other links in the chain. When the body can't process things, they build up to toxic levels, causing damage to the brain.

Am I right? I don't know! But I have known a few mothers who have reversed their children's ASD diagnosis through dietary and lifestyle changes in conjunction with therapy.

But without the gene, this is one less thing for me to worry about (but still something I am keeping my ear on because it matters).

Wherever You Are

Board books and I do not get along very well and it's entirely my fault. Perhaps it says something about me more than anything else, but I tend to find the abbreviated stories in most of them to be pretty watered down. Others are too congested with pictures of objects filling every tiny little space, leaving no white space whatsoever.

They're cluttered and nonsensical.

In the 9 years I've been a parent, there have been a very select few that I like.

And only two that I love.

One of these two precious books was a gift for our baby from my husband's baby sister. The book is titled Wherever You Are my love will find you. It's written by Nancy Tillman.

I've never cried reading a board book and I certainly wouldn't have guessed that such a benign looking book would leave me sobbing as I attempted to read it to my 11 week old don't-want-to-stop-crying baby last night.

The book opens with the line, "I wanted you more than you ever will know, so I sent love to follow wherever you go." I should have known with that opening line that my emotions would surface quickly, but I was still caught off guard.

The rhyming continues as I, the reader, told my daughter just how many feats my love can accomplish. With each new way that I told her how my love will find her, my emotions bubbled up until tears were flowing freely down my face.

In many ways, it felt like I was bearing testimony of my love for my daughter to her. The words, though not mine, rung with truth and I know she's young, but she was absolutely paying attention to me. Her crying turned to a whimper then to a quiet, wide-eyed calm and she tried to make sense of what was going on.

Through my tears I kept reading until the very last line, a phrase I've held close to my heart since childhood, "you're never alone".

The drawings are simple and elegant, easy for a young baby to focus on with animals and nature scenes that match the poetry. They were just what I love to see in a children's book.

So if you need a good cry, or a simple gift to share with another, here is a good place to start . . .

And thank you, sweet S, for such a wonderful gift.

Honoring Our Past

I typed this yesterday, but didn't get it posted:

Three hundred sixty five days ago, my husband and I had the worst 36 hours of our lives. In that time, our son passed away, we received medical confirmation of his death, we told his sisters, and then we went to the hospital so that I could give birth to him.

It was an experience many families have had and for each of us, it is a painful reminder that pregnancy and birth are truly amazing.

If I had known that day what the following year had in store for me, I would have wanted to believe it so very badly but I would have been incredibly skeptical.

But here I am. A mother with 3 living daughters. My dear little Dash has brought peace to my heart and I can't imagine my life without her.

She was always meant to be a part of our family. I know this with every fiber of my being.

Even knowing that, I couldn't let Jackson's birthday pass without taking some time to remember him. And so it was that with 6 children in tow, I walked across the street to Giant (our local grocery store) and purchased 4 balloons with the intent of releasing them in the park and watching them drift into the sky. I wasn't sure what colors I wanted at first. . .

Blue & black?

Blue & white?

Pink & blue?

Pink & black? 

Looking at my daughters I chose 3 pink balloons and one blue, one for each of the children I'd given birth to.

The weather decided not to cooperate today. Winds are gusting over 30mph with steady winds around 12mph.

Have you ever tried to push a triple stroller with an infant in a carrier on your chest, while holding 4 balloons in gusting wind?

It isn't easy!

 . . . But it was so much easier than losing our child.

My absolutely amazing mother-in-law drove to the park to take pictures. I probably have the best mother-in-law anyone could ask for. My husband definitely got his awesomeness from his parents.

She is also the only family member who held our son after his birth. Jackson was her grandson and she has acknowledged his presence in her life in many small ways. . .and today she came to take pictures.

As with many things in my life, even this couldn't go smoothly.  We were about to let the balloons go when I realized they'd blow right into a nearby tree, so we moved back so the wind would blow them up and over the tennis courts instead.

Right as we let go, the wind switched directions and the balloons tangled in the tree! It's not the kind of tree that can be climbed, so unfortunately, those ribbons will be stuck there for quite some time.

Over the next hour, as the children ate some lunch and played at the park, each balloon popped as it was blown into the budding branches. Jackson's blue balloon was the first to go, followed by each of the pink ones.

The entire event felt little too much like my life's allegory.

******************

The reason for the delay in the post was that another thing went wonky with my day. I couldn't get either the desktop or laptop computers to recognize my 9 year old SLR or its memory card. I have a lot of pictures of our balloon release, but currently no way to upload them.

Isn't that just fitting?

I went to the mailbox this afternoon and was surprised to see cards from two friends, one local and one who lives 3,000 miles away. Each has a very heartfelt message inside that put me in tears.

Thank you, to both of you, for your amazing thoughtfulness. And to each of you who shared your candles for my son once again, I thank you, too. 

Human Milk: What to do When You Have Extra

Dash is the 3rd baby I have been lucky enough to nurse.
4th, if you count the two times I nursed my nephew.
With my older daughters, my milk supply always seemed to be barely enough. While working, I had to get up in the middle of the night to pump, even though she was sleeping through the night by 8 weeks. If I didn't, she would not have had enough milk for daycare the next day.
I was always stressed about it and I know that didn't help.
With Dash, my milk supply is so much better! I believe some of that is due to having her ties fixed early on but the rest is that I've been more proactive about drinking teas that claim to increase milk production.
Something is working and I am grateful for that!
So what does a woman with extra milk do?
It depends on the woman. Some stock pile it in the freezer for use after returning to work while other want it "just in case".
A few go to human milk banks and complete all their required bloodwork to donate their milk. Many diseases (including hepatits B & C) can pass though breastmilk so the milk banks screen carefully the mothers then pasteurize the milk they receive.
Others seeking to share their milk have created networks on social media to offer or request human milk.
It is well known that breastmilk is best for babies. I could include an almost limitless number of studies that prove this but will simply state my three favorite reasons: gut microbiome,  immune system, and cost.
Human milk is free.
The World Health Organization also lists baby feeding preferences as mother's milk first, then donor milk, and formula as the last option.
It should not be the first thing when breastfeeding fails, but it is what doctors in the US push if there is the slightest problem.
I know this first hand because each of my girls' pediatricians has told us the supplement with formula when they started developing jaundice.
Because milk banks only offer milk to very sick babies and NICU babies, I chose to join a social media group and watch for someone local who could use my milk.
Within a couple days, a mother in my town requested milk for her baby. I responded with my general location, a list of the supplements I take, and my personal dietary guidelines. Two days later her husband came and picked up 33 ounces of my frozen milk.
Wednesday the mother again contacted me, telling me her baby had tolerated the milk well and that they'd love more if I had some.
So last night, for the second Friday in a row, I watched as 30 ounces of my miracle liquid was given to a baby, allowing him to avoid (or at least minimize) the use of formula.
I am grateful that I have the ability to help this mother and baby. If I had supply issues, I would hope that another mother would help me out, too.
If you are ever in a breastmilk conundrum, research Human Milk for Human Babies on Facebook and find a group near you.

First Binky

6 weeks and 2 days old and she finally has a binky.

I've never waited until 6 weeks to introduce a pacifier before. My first daughter didn't really take one until she was in daycare and my second never liked them at all; she'd scream every time we put on in her mouth.

It became fairly apparent early on that Dash loves to suck but because of her lip and tongue ties, I wanted to make sure she knew how to suck properly for nursing before introducing a pacifier and I'm so glad I waited! I can now tell simply by her sucking pattern whether she is tired or hungry, something I may not have been able to tell had I given her a binky early on.

She loves her new toy and sucks on it hard when we give it to her. When she needs to burp, her suck pattern reverts to the "pre-lazor" pattern that bloodied me so badly. This is easy to identify now!

I read a book about newborns back when DD2 was a newborn. Although I can't remember the title or author, the book mentioned that in parts of Europe, a pacifier is known as a "dummy" and the name is fitting because it is a device parents use to hush their child without any efforts at figuring out why their child is crying in the first place. It turns the parents into dummies, but also limits the baby's ability to communicate as well.

Dash won't use a binky for long, a few months at most, because I don't want it to become a tool that desensitizes me to the specific needs of my little girl. In the meantime, it may allow me a little more time in the evenings to get my older children to bed and for my husband to have a little time when I'm tutoring, rather than constantly soothing her with a bottle.

5 Weeks Postpartum and Counting

My baby is now almost 6 weeks old and I wish time would slow down a little!  My Dash is no longer a newborn, but an infant.  Not only is she past the 4 week mark, but she's growing leaps and bounds and getting stronger.
If you're familiar with safe practices for infants, you know that one of the biggest rules is to keep the crib free from stuffed animals, blankets, etc. The reason for this is that babies can suffocate if their faces get smushed up against items in the crib. It is the same reason why quilted/padded crib bumpers like this aren't recommended.

I don't remember my other daughters wiggling in their sleep as much as Dash does. However, they were also in a much smaller bassinet until they were 3-4 months old. Dash is in her crib, where there is plenty space to wiggle around.
And wiggle around she does!  Even fully swaddled I can put her in one place in her crib and when I go get her a few hours later, she's moved over a foot.
Swaddling is necessary to get her to stay asleep, but she's a Little Houdini and manages to get both of her hands out at least a little bit. On a few occasions she has succeeded in getting an entire arm out of the swaddle. I'd love to see just how long it takes for her to wiggle out, but I never catch it.
Last Monday she had her one month well-baby visit at the pediatricians' office. She weighed in at 8lbs 5oz, which puts her average weight gain over her 2 week check-up at about an ounce a day.
An ounce that comes straight from me. I love that!
Sunday, March 1st, we blessed our baby. As I had mentioned in this post, I really wanted to do the baby blessing outside of Sacrament meeting. We were given permission a couple of weeks ago to do so, which also would allow several out-of-town family members to participate via video conference.
I am so very glad we decided to do it at home! Had we not, there would have been a mad scramble to do it that way anyway! We had an ice storm blow through that left traveling to church precarious, so the bishop cancelled church for the day.
In addition to the two families we had planned to include using various video technologies, we had 3 others join in when they couldn't make it to our home. One family was home with a stomach bug and since they'd accidentally shared it with another, she was "home," too. This third member had travelled all the way from California to be a part of the baby blessing and I felt absolutely awful that she couldn't be here to enjoy it, but I also couldn't risk the baby and I catching the virus. When an infant gets a pukey bug, IV fluids are almost inevitable. I went through that with my first daughter when she was 5 months old and my milk production never fully recovered. This early on, and with mastitis to boot (keep reading because I'll talk about this), I couldn't risk it.
The last to join was an extended family member in California. Almost every person present had their phone connected with someone else to participate. It was quite a site and a photo of it would have been pretty amazing, but inappropriate to take given the sacredness of the event.
In my home was my husband and daughters, my father and his wife who were in from California, one of my husband's sisters and her husband and 3 children who travelled 5 hours to be here, my uncle and aunt who came up from 3 hours away, the bishop, my parents-in-law, and our "best man". My home is small, so we were packed in pretty tight!
In the wee hours of Sunday morning, I noticed I had a clogged milk duct. It was tender, but not too sore. Dash managed to nurse it down pretty well but by mid morning it had swollen again. I noticed around noon that the underside of my breast, where the clogged duct was, had turned pink and was getting warm. Try as I might, I couldn't seem to get the clog to clear and by 6pm, I was in a significant amount of pain and my poor breast was bright red and hot to the touch. It looked something like this but much darker:

Not Mine, but a random internet photo to give you a sample

I knew I needed medical intervention when the headache and body aches set in and I could no longer converse with all of my house guests so I asked my step-mom if she would come with me to Patient First. She agreed and we eventually made it out the door with Dash and drove carefully on the ice to Leesburg. I saw a physician's assistant, and the look that flashed across her face confirmed what I could feel: mastitis!
Unfortunately, the only pharmacy open later on a Sunday night was 10 miles up the road, so we slowly made our way there to pick up my antibiotic.
It was quite a trip but very nice to have some "alone" time with my step mom. She'd been visiting for just over a week but we hadn't had much time together to just talk. It was comfortable, in spite of my hyper-focusing on road conditions!
I am thankful that modern technology allowed so many of our wonderful families, family that prayed for us each day over the last year and a half, to be apart of such a special event in our lives. And to each of them (and others who didn't participate yesterday) I say a heartfelt

Thank You!

40 Weeks vs 19 Days

Rather than hitting my due date tonight, I am watching my 19 day old baby sleep in my lap.
She's grown so much she barely fits in my lap even with her feet curled up.
Love this not-so-little Dash!