Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day

Today is October 15th, International Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day.  Around the globe, men and women are lighting candles in honor of their babies.

Katie Allison Granju once wrote of her loss: 

Who will I be in the future when the unholy, unbearable pain that now rips and tears at me every waking minute fades into a more chronic, dull, lifetime ache?

I know that I will be different — forever. Just … different.  I can tell you already that losing my child is an experience so profoundly disorienting that I suddenly feel like a Martian among humans.

Yes, I have been rerouted to Mars. And there doesn’t appear to be quite enough air up here.

Until recent times, I believe it was fairly common for parents to bury a child due to illness or stillbirth, but there was no word to describe such a parent. But even if it was common, it still goes against reason. Our children should not precede us in death and our children should have the chance to live their lives outside the womb.

A birthday should never come after the day of death.

A widow is someone who has buried their spouse. It means "empty" in Sanskrit. As time continues forward, and with the help of social media, the word "vilomah" is being used to describe us, those who have lost children. It means "against a natural order".

I am a vilomah

I wonder about the color of their eyes

I hear the echos of my sobbing

I see their imprint on my life

I want others to know they are not alone

I am a vilomah

I pretend that I am strong

I feel like my pain matters only to those who know it

I touch my belly and remember

I worry that this baby will never see my face

I cry when I think of her lost siblings

I am a vilomah

I understand my past does not predict my future

I say I'm taking things one day at a time

I dream of nursing all my children

I try to remain calm in the face of harsh realities

I hope I can be strong

I am a vilomah