Milestones (Or Things that Happen in the Blink of an Eye)

Today is the last day of school for my 3rd grader. The year has been quite an adventure! On the first day of school, I was pregnant. For lack of a better description, that's pretty normal for me. Of the 4 "first day of school" days that my oldest has experienced, I have been pregnant for 3 of them.
This is the first time, however, that I got to take my baby with me to the bus stop on the last day of school!

One week until K turns 9 and 13 days until C turns 5.

It has been a month of milestones for our little family. My oldest informed me last month that she couldn't see the board from her desk, so a quick trip to the eye doctor and a few weeks later Viola! Glasses. Complete with BYU blue frames and a salmon colored case that she will eventually learn not to pinch her fingers with when she closes it.

Today was also the last school day where my middle daughter is not a student.  At the end of August, she'll start kindergarten. She's never attended preschool or any other formal educational program, but she is making quite a bit of progress in her reading. She can now sound out many words and is beginning to spell phonetically on her artwork.

We celebrated both of their birthdays with local family a few days ago. My middle one had her very first birthday in this home, just 11 days after we moved in.

K's 5th birthday and one week before C turned 1

Time sometimes feels like it's flying by. The same holds true with Dash. On Friday, my husband and I took a walk along the W&OD Trail near our home. It was a hot, muggy day but the morning wasn't too gross so we managed 5 miles with the double stroller, carrying both of our younger daughters while the oldest was in school.

After we finished, we left straight for Costco, forgetting that I didn't have my Ergo carrier with me or the single stroller. Either Dash was going to have to be held or we could try buckling her into the cart.

The cart won. She was such a happy camper up there, too!

The milestones didn't stop there. On Sunday she was doing her usual "wake-up the second you put me down" routine and I was trying rather unsuccessfully to let her cry. When the cry changed urgency, I went in and found her on her stomach with her face smashed against the side of the crib.

*This is why you don't use crib bumpers. My daughter could have suffocated in that position if there had been a padded bumper in her crib!*

She's 4 months old, which is right on the normal "roll-over" curve but I figured it was probably a fluke.

This morning I put her on her back in the middle of the crib as usual. When she later woke up, this is what I found: 

Her face wasn't crammed into the front of the crib, but she still did some sort of magical rolling over and scooting to get there.  She was pretty pleased with herself, too!

That's the tail end of a smile.

Now What?

You may have noticed a little thing in her crib that I've written about before.

BINKY!

That was my last ditch effort to help fix her latch. This pacifier is made by Munchkin and is called LATCH and although she only sucks on it for a few seconds at a time, she is trying to figure out how to keep it in her mouth and that effort is paying off for both of us. In order to keep it in, she has to make sure that she doesn't lose suction and she's taking that skill and applying it to nursing. My milk blister, which has been there since February, is slowly healing. More importantly to me, it is no longer painful. She's nursing quite comfortably all the time now, even when she is losing suction.

The exception is when she decides to yank on me. That doesn't feel comfortable at all!! Dash also likes to push away from me with her arm, even as she's eating ravenously. I'm not entirely sure why, so I find myself holding her hand out of the way to keep her still.

If you compare the Costco picture with the crib pictures, you might detect a bit of a difference, or maybe you won't. Dash also got quite a haircut on Sunday. Her hair is finally thinning where she's rubbing it on her sheets and as it has grown, it's lopsided. I took some time while nursing her and gave her a trim along everything, but especially the ears.

Hair on the ears drives me bonkers!

In a couple short hours, I will have a 4th grader, a kindergartener, and a semi-mobile baby. Please Time, slow down a little!

Mystery Solvers

Everybody needs a day off sometimes, and doctors are no exception. Whether my doctor is having health problems of her own or is a busy mama with college aged children or something else--she finds doctors who can fill in for her and for that I'm grateful.

Today I met one of her subs. He was a middle aged man who clearly loves his job. As he picked through my printed medical records, he noticed that Dr. H had run the SSA/SSB antibody test but couldn't see the results, so he made sure to hunt those down.

My tests for both were negative. Although it wouldn't have changed any of the medications I'm currently taking, he said he'd have me come in sooner to have the baby's heart checked if either or both had been positive.

This doctor and I also talked a little about my loss and that I don't fit into the normal medical category. His comment was something to the effect of "I love mysteries because I always learn something new and that makes me a better doctor."

I liked that attitude. That my specific "case" is unusual didn't bother him, but rather was fascinating.

We also talked a little about college football (he went to West Point and rather snickered at how awful their football team is) and large families. Near the end of the appointment, he noticed that I had seen Dr. Jane Allen and mentioned that he went to school with her. He then proceeded to let me know that I need to ask her about the placenta study they did that their mentor wouldn't let them publish because the mentor felt the results were not strong enough.

So then we talked about how hard it is to find doctors and pathologists who really understand the placenta and can do proper studies on them.

Yes, I liked the sub today.

Curious about Dash yet??

Dash is still growing okay. She's measuring a day behind where I am gestationally (again) but 3 days behind where she ought to have been based on the last growth scan if growth was continuous.

It's not the most yippee!!! news, but it wasn't bad, either. She's measuring in the 40th percentile, so smaller than my other girls, but still not worrisome. Her weight is approximately 14oz.

The newest development? She's frank breech. With my other pregnancies, once my babies were head down, they really liked to stay that way.

Not Dash. Oh no. She likes to do everything her own way.

And I thought my second daughter marched to her own drum. She may be a cake walk in comparison!

She needs a boring, unassuming name; something to give her a chance at serene and dignified behavior.

Oh, who am I kidding. She'll be Dash no matter what her birth certificate says.

And yes, I'm starting to believe she'll be born alive. I'm still not making any preparations (what's the point??) but my mental planning is starting to take place more often than in the past.

This is the first image of her I've been able to take home that I felt was worth posting in several weeks. She kept her hands and feet right up in front of her face pretty much the entire time, making measuring a little tough--another reason I'm not too concerned about the mildly smaller measurements. If you're familiar with these kinds of images, what do you think you see?

21 Weeks

The last handful of days have been busy and mildly entertaining.  Sunday was the day I'd been dreading for almost 6 months, but as I woke up, Dash was twisting and stretching and kept that up through frequent intervals all day.

It really helped me out.

In Relief Society, the lesson was on hope, and I had a hard time separating eternal hope, which is what most of the lesson focused on, from temporary hope, which is something I have a very difficult time with since I find hope to be so painful.

A question was asked regarding someone having their blessings or hope delayed and at that point, I couldn't keep my mouth shut.

I explained a little of my background, with the hope my pregnancy with Jackson had given us and that feeling that everything was going to be okay and how even with that surety, we lost him. I then brought up my current pregnancy, and how new medical problems were still making things very unsure and there's no promise that the Hope we were given in November of 2013 will be fulfilled with Dash's birth. 

It is hope in an eternal sense that keeps me going. I sometimes wonder how individuals who have experienced great tragedy manage to move forward from day to day, but it's not something I can really fathom because of my knowledge of the Plan of Salvation. That knowledge frames my emotions from the very core of their existence and it can't be undone.

Sunday night ended and just half an hour later, my 8 year old was up with a tummy ache that led to a very miserable 5 hours of vomiting for her and both of us trying to get rest without succeeding. It's hard to sleep when the waves of sickness come on every 10-20 minutes.  When she mentioned she'd had lunch meat before bed, I truly hoped it was just the meat, which was expired, and not something contagious.

It is now over 48 hours since she got sick and nobody else has had any problems, so it must have been the meat. It will be a long time before she's willing to have a ham sandwich again!

Monday also marked the 6 month anniversary of Jackson's birth. Sometimes it feels like a lifetime, but in other moments I can't believe a full 6 months have passed. And now I'm 21 weeks along, further than I made it with our son.

Dash is significantly longer than Jackson ever was. I can feel her kicking around my bellybutton now, although most of the movement I feel is still down at her head, where she likes to keep her hands.  I can feel her hiccups now, too. They only last a minute or two, but the rhythmic bump is hard to miss.

With my oldest, hiccups were the first indicator I had that what I was feeling really was the baby and not just gas bubbles. By the time my second daughter came around, I had it figured out much sooner and even her father felt her kicking before 15 weeks.

As Dash gets bigger and stronger, I feel her more frequently. This movement is something I cherish, even when some of them are uncomfortable. I don't know if this is my last pregnancy or not, so every movement shines light on my heart while I thank my Heavenly Father to have been given another chance.

On Friday, I will see Dr. H again. I'll have an ultrasound to check Dash's growth and her fluid levels and then we'll set up another appointment. I'm getting close to the point where my appointments will be scheduled every 2 weeks, but I'm not sure if that will happen after this appointment or the next.

On a side note, a woman in my Lovenox support group was talking about her preemie son who is now a year old. She mentioned that her son had a "NICU girlfriend" who was born at 23 weeks and is now also a year old and is showing normal growth and development.  It's stories like these that give me hope that if Dash has to come super early, she may still be okay.

My friend lost her daughter who was born at 23 weeks, and a family in my father's ward recently lost their son who had been born at 24w6d, so it is never a sure thing. But the fact that medical technology has made enough advancement to save a baby that is born almost 17 weeks before their due date is simply amazing to me.  And comforting.

According to a chart you can find here, attributed to the March of Dimes, a baby born at 23 weeks has a 17% chance of survival. By 26 weeks, the survival rate jumps to 80%. However, of those babies that survive, only 20% have no long-term problems resulting from their premature birth.

Dash needs every day she can get to keep growing and since we got my anti-Xa levels back in range, she's been growing well.  We'll know for sure on Friday if that growth is still on the right curve.

So here is a photo of my growth.

The most notable "bump" difference is my belly button, which is doing it's weird wider-and-flatter thing it likes to do around this point in pregnancy. I've never ended up with an outie, but it sure does do some weird things, including starting to itch.

But hey, I'll talk all of it if it means Dash is growing and healthy!