My first "we're actually trying" two week wait has begun. I am now 2 DPO and started progesterone supplements this morning. Mittelschmerz was incredibly intense this time around. This was my 10th round of clomid in two years and was without a doubt the most painful. Both of my ovaries felt like they were the size of tennis balls in addition to just being very tender and sore. Although I had pretty crazy ovulation pains on one dose last summer, that pain only lasted about 45 minutes. This cycle it lasted 2 days!
This was another example of a time when I wished that I had my own ultrasound machine so that I could see just how big my follicles were as well as how many there were. I'm quite confident that there was at least one whopper of a follicle on each side and it wouldn't have surprised me to find out there were 2 each. I've done the 100mg dosing 3 times where I had a mid-cycle ultrasound. The first cycle there was only one follie but the other two cycles had 4 follies each.
When I went to bed last night, I couldn't decide if I was excited to be in the tww or scared to death.
Losing Jackson has left me incredibly afraid of pregnancy, which is a very new sensation for me. I've always looked forward to being pregnant but with 4 consecutive losses, I'm far more frightened than excited.
I suppose that the good news (?) is that I meet with Dr. Hammersely Thursday afternoon. My binder of medical records will be coming with me, including the autopsy report for Jackson and my most recent blood work. I'm hoping that she has a solution for us.
My #100HappyDays posts are past the half-way point. I started the day after Jackson was born. If I wasn't infertile, I could easily have been pregnant by the time my 100 days were up.
I am infertile, however, so getting a bfp within the next 44 days seems beyond impossible.
Jackson has left a gaping whole in my life and I want to fill it. But I'm afraid to.
Sending positive thoughts and prayers your way today for your afternoon appointment.
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