The first time I remember experiencing grief was 22 years ago when my great-grandfather passed away. I had no idea at the time that my life would take the twists and turns it has.
It has now been 98 hours since I gave birth to Jackson. My body seems to be healing well, but I feel like a big fat tub of lard. It's not a pleasant feeling to add to all the hormones and grief.
I have some guidelines I'd like to share about how to "handle" me in the coming months and years. I am never going to forget my son. I carried him for over 20 weeks and went through labor and delivery. I held him, kissed his sweet head, tiny fingers, and the bottoms of his feet.
1. Please do everything in your power to tell me privately if you are pregnant.
2. Do not send me baby shower announcements, birth announcements, or anything related.
3. If you ask me how I'm doing, be prepared for a answer that's longer than one sentence.
4. Ask me how I'm doing.
5. Call my son by name. It's Jackson.
6. Give me room to grieve. I won't be doing family functions, parties, or anything else social for awhile.
7. I will grieve for as long and as hard as I need so do not put a time limit on my grief. If I cry for my son 20 years from now, just give me a hug and let me cry.
8. Remember my husband lost his son, too. Ask him how HE is doing.
9. Don't tell me "God has a plan for you" or "God won't give you more than you can handle." I have very strong beliefs about these two things and they're too involved to talk about here, but if you ever want to ask me about them, I'll share. In the meantime, keep your own platitudes to yourself.
10. If someone you know goes through this, PLEASE have them contact me. The one thing that kept me going on Monday was that I wasn't alone. Two of my friends had been through this, too. They knew what to tell me and how to answer my questions and they were there to listen to me. If I can do that for someone else, it would help me to know that my experience wasn't entirely in vain.
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